preserving the status

what i want to preserve the most - like cherry preserves so i can have it in the winter, so i can taste when when i miss the sweet texture of the summer fruit - is being partners to each other of listening and holding each other where exactly we are, instead of trying to change the way we are

i think the kind of quarrels that we have been having comes from lack of confidence and trust, which are interrelated

how much confident am i with my identity ?

hard to tell as i am on my journey, an intense one
you are on yours, i am aware

when i am in the process, even though i know i am getting there, i can’t claim that i have that confidence yet

i need time for it to go through its own cycle of life before it gets ready for fermentation, which will enable me to be inclusive of my surroundings 

how long will it take i don’t know, but i guess i know i am getting there

i know i am getting there, though 

but maybe this wish i have, this desire i hold, this imagination that 'if i only wait a little bit longer, soon I would be able to embrace you more and more' is surreal 

i cannot pick up any real food with a surreal pair of chopsticks

what shall i do? what shall we do?
i propose us to preserve what is the most essential, which is being conversational partners who can be listeners to each other staying exactly where we are instead of trying to change our seats
what would happen if we moved on from thinking of getting back together or imagining one future together to being truthful friends who can accompany each other throughout a lifetime ? 

i wonder if we can practice this, if we can practice focusing on the essence of the relationship, shedding romance - it is kind of like purifying, not because romance is impure but because

i recognize that i desire to cherish, embrace, and preserve than erase or forget the extent of the value that i hold in my connection with your being

in order to preserve the essence of my relationship with you, i need to let go of part of me that want to make love to you, want to grow old being next to each other 

can i let it go ? can you let it go? can we somehow work on this process together? this is where my thoughts are now