Jan 30, 2011

Milwaukee

As long as I remain as a student, my status in the U.S. always remains temporary. Although there are moments and times that I am frustrated with my static legal status despite the ever-increasing number of years that I've been spending in the U.S. since January 2002, in general I am a happy foreigner and content to be a temporary resident in any place I live. Being a mover (unintentionally), the city itself never means much to me because I am not going to stay for long anyway.

Whenever I am moving from one place to another, as far as clothes go, I always pack everything down to 2 luggages. Stuff everything into two bags, and the rest goes to Goodwill. Similar with other items - I don't carry 'things I don't need' to a new place. They include wall posters, ornaments, text books, and clothes that I haven't worn at least for a year. I am obsessed with keeping everything light, erasing my trace, and leaving as I first came - light hearted and unexpecting. I put effort to be that way.

but Milwaukee makes me want to be part of its everyday scene. It is a city that has capacity to embrace the diversity of life. everyday life. Not all cities are like that. It is beautiful to see people trying to be lights for each other. The community invites people to take part in changes in small things that become bigger changes in society. There is a room for everybody to shine, moment to be joyful, and opportunity to evolve. What matters is the spirit of people instead of their income, skin color or social status.

At first, I thought I will change myself in Milwaukee. I will ask for forgiveness to the world, and be a change. but I was wrong. My whole attitude was not ready to embrace the true diversity of life. After all, the best I can do is to live everyday honestly and optimistically. When my heart is smiling at its root, the rest will take its place. slowly and gradually.

Of course, Milwaukee is not a paradise. There are crimes in Milwaukee. Poverty especially seems to be a serious issue because it reflects the racial segregation within the city. Debbie told me 60% of the black population in the Riverwest area is unemployed. That's more than half. Peggy told me racism in Milwaukee is s the deepest in nation. What happens to children? can they even afford a healthy breakfast? The extent of the limitation of choices of life style from poverty is truly disturbing.

but people in Milwaukee keep hoping and trying. I feel much blessed to experience the constant wave of hopes weaving in and out of communities. I didn't believe in hope before moving into Milwaukee. I believed in luck and hard work (paradox?). Since living in Milwaukee, I see hopes and their consequences everywhere I go. I am learning that hoping is after all more valuable than fulfilling. I am learning to hope and wait.

Jan 28, 2011

생각 (why I live)




앎을 체득하기 위해 삶을 사는 것은 아니리라.

의미가 없는데도 아름다운 것이 있다면 삶이 아닐까

각자가 각자의 시간에 깨어나 각자의 시간속에서 각자의 순간에 각자만의 시각으로 삶에 임한다 한들...

결국 한 지붕아래 땅위에서 공존할 수 밖에 없는 사람과 사람간의 운명은

참으로 뜻없지만 선명한 아름다움이 아닌가

그러므로 굳이 왜라고 물어야 하냐고 물어온다면,

삶의 아름다움에 능동적으로 참여하기 위해서라고 대답하리라.

 
2009.12.16

무제 (untitled)


헝겊이 너덜너덜하다.
벙어리장갑에 뚫린 구멍도 지치고
머리에 쏠려있는 고통이 무겁게만 느껴진다.

또르르르 멈출수 없는 구슬방울이
오동포동한
여름햇살에 내비두어 생긴 검버스름한
볼살을 타고 내려오면
시야가 어른거리면서 나는
주저앉고 싶다.

무릎에 쥐가나서 움직일 수 조차 없다.
식도에 떡이 메인듯
숨쉬기가 힘들다.

인생살이 22년,
인생은 결코 짧지 않다.
우스운가? 내가 하는 말이 우스운가?
그래도 나는 인생이 길다고 우기겠다.

너다르고 나다르고
남다르고 님다르고

오늘도 눈을 뜨고 잠을 잔다. 


2009.12.16